By John H
Delusion can come in many forms. It can be based on the mostly harmless false hope and wishful thinking of a child-like desire to prove that somethings not true when it obviously is, the more serious self-deceptions of the active alcoholic who’s lack of boundaries and self-assessment lead to further self-destruction or, in the truly terrifying mass delusions of extreme political movements. A delusional state can also manifest itself in looking at a text that clearly says one thing and then claiming, boldly, that it says another. AA, on all levels, seems particularly prone to this.
As always, my thoughts that follow are my own and I represent only myself. I also want to say, at the outset, that I have no doubt that the intentions of both the authors and publishers of this pamphlet were, in their mind, benign. It’s just that, to this reader, that Atheists and Atheism are not properly addressed here.
From its appearance in the UK a couple of years ago an UKAA approved pamphlet called ‘The “God” Word’ has been hailed around the SecularAA world as some sort of breakthrough for Atheists and Agnostics in AA.
Since I first read this sometime in early 2017 I have been perplexed as to why a supposedly committed atheist might find this publication as either useful or necessary in terms of both its intent and its effects.
Now that this UK production has been overwhelmingly accepted by The General Service Conference for publication in the US a veritable cry of “hosannas” has gone up from various quarters (mostly on line) within SecularAA. The joy with which this publication was greeted got me looking to the sky for the Second Coming followed by The Rapture, an event, if it ever were to occur, I would most definitely be left out of.
Sadly, Wilson’s “bright white light” did not appear in the sky, just a light blue cover with white and black lettering on it with the AA/UK logo.
Before I go into a deeper critique of what I feel is behind this I would like to quote, for my atheist sisters and brothers, some lines from each of the ten stories presented here (a few with brief editorial comments in brackets). These are all shown, in the pamphlet, as examples of atheist/agnostic inclusion and, both within and outside their context, pose some serious questions. Italics are mine.
Story #1, Page 6, “I am on a journey and my appreciation of the 12 Steps is evolving as I grow in the program.”
Story #2, Page 8-9, “I got a sponsor and went through the steps with her, shared my step four with her and prayed with her. It felt hollow and untruthful, but I did it because I thought it was what I was supposed to do… (GREAT – but then there is a qualification as there often is in these stories) I do have a practice which some people would call spiritual…I meditate every day and I think it keeps me on an even keel, mentally and emotionally.”
Story #3, Page 10, “I was admitting for the first time that I wasn’t fit to run my own life…I came to believe that there is something within me that guides me through life and looks after me…Sometimes I call it “God” …many little things have happened in my life to convince me that “something” exists.”
Story #4, Page 11-12, “I discovered that life can be driven by the principles of the Steps rather than by my impulses and urges. As I “turned my life over” to the principles of the Steps my former alcoholic behaviors began to take a back seat…The more I aligned my life with the principles of the Steps, the more clearly, I was able to see the world,”
Story #5, Page 13, “With the help of the human power of compassion and unconditional support I get from the members of this Fellowship (all good here) and the tools of the Twelve Step Program, (???) I can give this healing process a chance. It certainly is a power greater than myself. (???)
Story #6, Page 14, (And then we get this after trying without the Steps for four years…) “I had a choice to make, kill myself or get a sponsor and work the Steps… (and then) … My role now in AA is to carry the AA message to the still suffering alcoholic, that includes my journey in finding a god that works for me.”
Story #7, Page 15, “I work the steps… (and after saying that he does not have to find god to stay sober he quotes from the Big Book Appendix II) We find that no one need have difficulty with the spirituality of the program.’ (followed by the condescending “willingness” verbiage found there)
Story #8, Page 16, (an “Agnostic” refers us to the 11th Step and then says) “It is also, for me, the great reality that is referred to in the Big Book, is beyond all concepts and labels, and defies all attempts at description.”
Story #9, Page 17, “I was able to work my way through the Steps with the universe as my higher power…I still pray but not to any religious deity.” (we Atheists do love our “prayer” it seems)
Story #10, Page 18-19, “I believe that the most important spiritual principle of AA is humility… (Muses on the existence of God, says it doesn’t matter, the quarks align and then, hopefully ironically says the following) …That keeps me sober. Amen.”
All ten stories, every single one, fully accommodate, by reference, belief or application, the Big Book, The Steps or “Spirituality” in some way. No wonder the General Service Conference approved this thing! Its straight, conventional AA. The essence and practice of the conventional, Steps/Oxford Group based program as defined by these members and printed at the back of the pamphlet where the Steps and Traditions are presented exactly as used in every standard AA meeting everywhere. And good for them if that’s their thing! But what does it have to do with us?
Where are the stories of the SecularAA s who can’t abide the Steps, original, re-written or otherwise? Where are the tales of the many women who find the Big Book insupportably sexist? Where are the people who refuse to use or adhere to the word “spiritual” in any form and have stayed sober for decades anyway? Where are the people who very well might “kill themselves” if forced to work the Steps in any way? Where are the members who categorically refuse to “turn their lives over” to anything? Where are the ones who find that “power greater than yourself” both coercive and destructive? Where are the people who sincerely believe they can run their own goddam lives? The answer is nowhere. Not here.
Before the “stories” cited they quote Wilson from 1965… Let us accord each other the respect and love that is due every human being as he tries to make his way toward the light.
And what light might that be Bill? What if I don’t want your “light”? “He”, “His”? What about my daughter’s Bill? No women around in 1965? What, in fact, would you say now to the nasty “buggers” (to coin a Briticism) who are like me?
This publication then directs the reader to the following, among other, sources of “enlightenment”.
- The totally discredited pamphlet, ‘Many Paths to Spirituality”
- The Big Book
- In Particular: Chapter 4, ‘We Agnostics’ (I shit you not)
- The Grapevine Book ‘Came to Believe’
- The 12×12 – “Step 2” (again I’m not shitting you)
- ‘As Bill Sees It’ – Sections on Higher Power
One of the capstones of all this for me was the numerous references in the pamphlet to the Grapevine and the famous Wilson piece from 1961, ‘The Dilemma of No Faith’, which many “get along to go along” folks in SecularAA quote in defense of the proposition that our “holy fathers” had our best interest at heart. Here are two excerpts:
Speaking of the phrase “A Power Greater Than Ourselves” or “Higher Power”: “For all who deny, or seriously doubt a deity, these frame an open door over whose threshold the unbeliever can take his first easy step into a reality hitherto unknown to him – the realm of faith.” and “Therefore, faith is more than our greatest gift; its sharing with others is our greatest responsibility.”
No matter what they might say in terms of “Inclusion and Diversity” their final intention for the atheist is conversion. This, in fact, in the macro sense, is the AA “Big Tent” strategy in a nutshell.
So, why are we being sold ‘The “God” Word’ so hard? Could it be that there is a desire, by some, to codify this “AA Lite” approach once and for all and to subsume our growing and vital SecularAA movement into the corporate body of conventional AA to the point that we are indistinguishable from it? Ask yourself some of these questions as you carefully read this pamphlet. I hope everyone in SecularAA takes the time to look at it carefully to decide for yourselves if it acurately represents us.
You don’t have to be a “radical” or “militant” atheist like me to see that this watered-down imported pabulum might not warrant your close embrace or the singing of its praises.
There is, in fact, a growing body of “literature” available on the various on-line forums, in the closed SecularAA Facebook pages, blogs and elsewhere that constitute the real cross section of our growing part of the Fellowship. Some of these resources mirror some of what you see in ‘The “God” Word’ but many do not. Likewise, in Toronto in August at our International Convention you will find allot more real “diversity” of opinion that you will find in this inherently defective pamphlet.
We are a lot more interesting and thoughtful than what is presented as a true cross section of us in ‘The “God” Word’.
John Huey’s student work of the 60’s-70’s was influenced by teachers in Vermont such as John Irving at Windham College and William Meredith at Bread Loaf.
After many years he returned to writing poetry in 2011. He has had poems presented in ‘Poetry Quarterly’ and in the ‘Temptation’ anthology published in London by Lost Tower Publications. Work has also appeared in ‘Leannan Magazine’, ‘Sein und Werden’, at ‘In Between Hangovers’, ‘Bourgeon’, ‘The Lost River Review’, ‘Red Wolf Journal’, ‘Perfume River Poetry Review’, ‘What Rough Beast’ and ‘Memoir Mixtapes’. His full-length book, ‘The Moscow Poetry File’, was published by Finishing Line Press in November 2017. Full information and Amazon links can be found at http://www.john-huey.com.